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1. I view the cat relatively human-like.
2. What the cat is like as relatively human.
Imagine you have a roommate.
After a full day, you head off to bed. You close your eyes in the darkness and begin to relax but then become aware of another presence in the room. You open your eyes to find your roommate staring at you, expectantly.
Oh, and your roommate's pupils are the size of nickels.
The two of you just look at each other for a moment, then your roommate disappears into the darkness without a sound.
You manage to almost fall asleep when you feel the presence again. This time, your roommate is staring at you from a different location, considerably closer to your face.
Your first instinct might be to knock your roommate away but then you remember that your roommate constantly carries around these really sharp knives purchased off an informercial that was playing on that one channel that's in one Asian language you don't speak and has subtitles in another Asian language you don't read. On top of this, your roommate cuts people at random with these knives. Your roommate believes this is all in good fun and that anytime is a good time for good fun. In the infomercial, a man you believe to be an important Asian political figure uses what you're under the impression is supposed to be the "dull" butter knife to slice through a 1990 Buick LeSabre with 137,218 miles on it. You have never seen your roommate use these knives for anything related to the preparation of food.
Your roommate scurries off into the darkness again, once more without a sound, but gives you only a few seconds to freak out about this latest episode as you soon hear your roommate scrambling haphazardly, apparently completely devoid of the quiet grace in use only seconds earlier, over your furniture, running head-first into a stack of boxes, leaping to the side, glancing over at you quickly, then trying to play it cool, like everything that just happened went exactly as planned and oh, were you watching all that finesse? 'cause that was nothing for a smooth character such as myself. At least as much as one can look like that while featuring pupils the size of nickels.
Eventually, you manage to fall asleep. Around 4:30 AM you wake up, opening your eyes just in time to see your roommate move silently out of the competely darkness before you, halting just before your face for another episode of expectant staring.
The exact details of the flawed system of logic you latch onto in order to convince yourself you'll survive this and every following night are hard to pin down exactly but somehow you get enough sleep to get up in the morning and get yourself ready for work, school, masturbation, or whatever it is you do all day. On your way to the bathroom you discover (inadvertantly and with one of your limbs) your roommate has thrown up in the middle of the floor, as per usual, and somehow this is supposed to be okay. Your roommate is, of course, watching all of this from the top of your dresser.
Now make breakfast.
Seems this entry has become a bit popular. Cool! Hello, everyone! Glad you enjoyed it!
Some of you have been asking if you can link to this. Yes, you can. Totally cool with me.
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October 11 2005, 05:54:36 UTC 6 years ago
October 12 2005, 02:00:47 UTC 6 years ago
Susan and I spent a good portion of that flight drawing all over stuff in the Sky Mall mag. I really hope some random person ended up being able to see what we did because it was so funny!
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October 11 2005, 05:54:57 UTC 6 years ago
Spot on, man.
October 12 2005, 02:03:39 UTC 6 years ago
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October 11 2005, 06:04:16 UTC 6 years ago
October 11 2005, 06:10:13 UTC 6 years ago
October 12 2005, 02:04:08 UTC 6 years ago
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October 11 2005, 09:02:05 UTC 6 years ago
the post had me cracking up laughing while i had tissues stuffed in my nose cos i'm getting sick. thanks for helping pam take care of sketch though while we were all gone. i'll have to take you guys out to lunch or something.
October 12 2005, 02:08:46 UTC 6 years ago
You're welcome, it's no problem
watching pornentertaining your small mammal.6 years ago
6 years ago
October 11 2005, 17:24:29 UTC 6 years ago
this was so motherfucking funny. i am so linking this in my journal. after the squee dies down from billy boyd covering jeff buckley. because genius of this magnitude demands a large audience.
October 12 2005, 02:09:25 UTC 6 years ago
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October 12 2005, 06:02:58 UTC 6 years ago
October 13 2005, 18:17:15 UTC 6 years ago
October 15 2005, 19:29:33 UTC 6 years ago
October 14 2005, 17:45:30 UTC 6 years ago
October 15 2005, 19:28:30 UTC 6 years ago
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October 14 2005, 22:07:16 UTC 6 years ago
October 15 2005, 19:28:52 UTC 6 years ago
October 18 2005, 14:52:02 UTC 6 years ago
so spot on
you only missed the part where, when your roommate sees that you are awake, they climb up onto your chest, and perch against your breastbone, with the heaviest of their weight resting on your ribcage.October 19 2005, 17:08:36 UTC 6 years ago
Re: so spot on
Oh, it's even BETTER when it's right on your stomach or bladder.Or when they run quickly across the bed BARELY missing your boyfriend's sensitive areas ;)
6 years ago
Anonymous
6 years ago
October 18 2005, 16:42:46 UTC 6 years ago
October 18 2005, 20:38:00 UTC 6 years ago
Never has my usericon been more appropriate. :D
October 18 2005, 20:38:43 UTC 6 years ago
*still giggling*
October 18 2005, 20:51:00 UTC 6 years ago
And yeah, I'd have gone nuts by now if humans did it, but hey, my cats are cute. And oddly, I do tend to attract the psycho types, too. Hmmmm....
October 18 2005, 20:51:31 UTC 6 years ago
If they were, I might keep one of those for a pet, it's true.
October 18 2005, 21:00:24 UTC 6 years ago
Even as a crazy cat person, this made me laugh so hard, I snarfed my water. I'm linking you. :)
October 18 2005, 21:06:05 UTC 6 years ago
I have 4 roommates like this. My best friends have 7 (and that's down from 9; they moved recently and had to give 2 away).
Priceless.
October 18 2005, 21:26:10 UTC 6 years ago
October 18 2005, 21:26:25 UTC 6 years ago
My gods....dead on....and yet, I still put up with it... Maybe I do need to be institutionalized.....
October 18 2005, 21:31:39 UTC 6 years ago
October 18 2005, 22:34:57 UTC 6 years ago
Sent here by
October 18 2005, 22:38:55 UTC 6 years ago
October 18 2005, 22:58:55 UTC 6 years ago
My psychotic roommate also likes to sit in the bathroom sink for no apparent reason at all. It's especially disturbing if anyone actually has to use the bathroom.
October 19 2005, 21:59:10 UTC 6 years ago
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October 18 2005, 23:57:28 UTC 6 years ago
Now trying having SIXTEEN of them.
I lost my sanity long ago...
October 18 2005, 23:59:57 UTC 6 years ago
Anonymous
October 21 2005, 14:30:23 UTC 6 years ago
cats
Rofl anything cats do is ok with me.. I was once adopted by the worlds best cat {Floyd} for 12 yrs-thought I'd never have another, then was asked by my son to take Chico? quickly renamed him Stretch--he was living with their 3 dogs--we hit it off immediately--wonderful cat---both Siamese--j'ver notice Siamese act like dogs a lot of the time.? Had one that could bark. I LUV CATS.← Ctrl← Alt
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